Abigail As A Role Model

I Samuel chapter 25

Abigail's Righteous Conduct Within A Bad Marriage 

Abigail's story took place during the reign of Saul, first king of Israel.  Yahveh had already chosen David as the next king of Israel, but sustained Saul's position for the time being. Saul pursued David in the desert from place to place, believing mistakenly that David was rebelling against him.

Who Was Abigail?

One of the first things we learn about Abigail was that she and her husband, Nabal, were incompatible.

"The man was very wealthy... his name was Nabal and his wife's name was Abigail; the woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man was difficult and an evildoer."   I Samuel 25:3

The Hebrew word for 'difficult' implies that Nabal was not interested in self improvement, therefore his character defects were irreparable. Nabal was both internally and externally wicked, neither his intentions nor his actions were good. Abigail herself declared that her husband, Nabal, was useless and refused to shoulder any form of responsibility. ~ "blial means useless" ~ (I Samuel 25:25 ) The Torah connects the word "belial" to idol worship, withholding charity and adultery - transgressions that imply rejection of spiritual, legal and moral accountability. Nabal believed his lineage entitled him, and not David, to succeed Saul as king. This is a key piece of information, since Nabal's hostility ultimately caused David to plan an attack on his household. Abigail, however, managed to avert this catastrophe through her wisdom, ingenuity and inherent goodness.

The story of Abigail does not explain why she remained married to an evil man who would not change. This omission suggests that Abigail's reasons for staying with Nabal were not integral to what the Torah wants us to learn from her story. Once Abigail decided to remain with Nabal, Yahveh used her unhappy marriage to speak to other people who have made this choice. Through Abigail's righteousness and her husband's evil, the Torah demonstrates the ground rules for proper conduct within a less than perfect relationship, no matter what the degree of imperfection. As such, Abigail's story is a self-improvement manual for all, complete with terms and conditions, which protect the physical well-being of its users and maximize the potential for positive change in their partners.

In order to gain a deeper understanding of Abigail and what she has to offer, let us examine the conflict between Nabal and David and how Abigail overcame it, and through which shines her greatness.

The story starts with Nabal celebrating his successful livestock season with a sheep-shearing feast. David, who had been hiding from Saul, sent ten of his men to bless Nabal and ask him for food. The appeal for food was reasonable for several reasons. First, sheep-shearing was known as a time of abundance, sharing and public celebration. Nabal's feast would have been such an occasion, were it not for his stinginess and hostility towards David. Second, David did not beg for charity. He asked only that Nabal reciprocate for his previous kindness to his shepherds.

"Now, your shepherds stayed with us, and they did not lack anything. Therefore let my attendants find favor in your eyes, for we have come because of your celebration. Please give whatever you can to your servants and to your son, to David."   I Samuel 25:7

Nabal refused to accommodate David's men, conveying resentment towards David's kingship and lineage.

"Who is David... Should I take from my bread and my water and my meat that I have slaughtered for my shearers and give them to men about whose origin I do not know?"  I Samuel 25:10-11

Abigail's Leadership Abilities

Nabal's response was an insult to David, since Yahveh Himself appointed him king. Therefore David planed to wipe out Nabal and his entire household.  (I Samuel 25:22)  Upon hearing this, Nabal's men returned home and reported to Abigail, telling her of Nabal's refusal to feed David's men and warning that Nabal will receive Divine retribution at David's hand.

"Behold, David sent messengers from the wilderness to greet our master and he (Nabal) drove them off. These men were very good to us. We were not shamed nor were we lacking anything all the days that we traveled with them, when we were in the field. They were a protective wall over us, both by night and by day, all the days we were with them tending the sheep. And now be aware and determine what to do, for the evil decree has been made final against our master and against his entire household, and he himself is too base a person even to talk to."  I Samuel 25:14-17

The soldiers' appeal to Abigail rather than Nabal testified to her extraordinary character, moral sensitivity and leadership abilities, while her response demonstrated her diplomacy, justice and self-control. Through these attributes, Abigail emerged as a role model for all generations.

Abigail Prepares Her Appeal

Abigail interceded with David, as an advocate for both herself and her undeserving husband, and she did so with wisdom, confidence and depth. Her immediate response to David's request for food demonstrated her desire to correct her husband's wrongdoing, and the amount of food she sent is evidence of her generosity and commitment to replace it with righteousness.

"Abigail hurried and took two hundred breads, two containers of wine, five cooked sheep, five measures of toasted grain, a hundred raisin clusters and two hundred cakes of pressed figs, and she put them on the donkeys."  I Samuel 25:18

Abigail's ability to immediately assemble such a gift suggests the abundance she maintained in her home for her husband.  Regardless of Nabal's baseness, she held herself to the highest standards of conduct. As she presented her gift to David, Abigail asked that he blame her and not her husband for the earlier events. She argued effectively and truthfully that since Nabal's inhospitable attitude was a part of his poor character, David should not have expected anything more than the response he received. 

"With me myself, my lord, lies the sin. Let my lord not set his heart against this base man, against Nabal, for he is as his name implies - Nabal is his name and revulsion is his trait. And I did not see my lord's attendants whom you sent. Now, this homage that your maidservant has brought to my lord, let it be given to the attendants who are traveling with my lord."  I Samuel 25:23-27

With David's acceptance of her gift, Abigail moved on to resolve the more difficult issues. According to Torah, her husband deserved the death penalty for disrespecting and questioning David's royal lineage. Abigail urged David to reverse this mandate, saying that he was not yet officially king, because Saul still occupied the throne. For this reason, she concluded, it would be best at this time to leave Nabal's fate to Yahveh.

"And may it be that when Yahveh performs for my lord all the beneficence of which He has spoken regarding you, and appoints you as leader over Israel, that this not be for you a stumbling block... to shed innocent blood and for my lord to avenge himself."  I Samuel 25:27-31

David agreed not to attack Nabal, and expressed his gratitude to Abigail for having prevented him from taking Nabal's fate into his own hands. Abigail returned home, having saved her husband's life and her own, to find Nabal still celebrating his sheep-shearing. In spite of her important news she waited until morning to speak with him, so as not to interrupt his party. Again we see Abigail's commitment to doing the right thing, regardless of whether or not her husband deserved this courtesy.

Following Abigail's Example

Abigail was aware that leaving her husband remained her option and she did not blame him for her decision not to leave. She conducted herself as Nabal's wife in the same way she would have, had she been happily married to him. Nabal died soon after Abigail's meeting with David, and she subsequently became David's wife.

As believers, we can follow Abigail's example of doing the right thing regardless of circumstances. We have the right to leave a relationship, whether marriage, friendship or professional. However, if we choose to stay, we must commit to treat the "other" with respect.  

Why did Abigail maintain her own righteousness when her husband was so inferior, and why is it worthwhile for us to follow her example? Our own (poor) behavior has a detrimental effect on us and derails our efforts to become better people. Abigail teaches us that improper conduct is the wrong approach. True, she and Nabal were an extreme case of good married to bad. Nonetheless, we may apply Abigail's approach within the context of our relationships and in so doing, better ourselves to a great extent.